President Trump sent an urgent chill through Virginian farmers Monday when he revealed that their potato crops could be in danger from lack of artillery.
“We’re going after Virginia, with your crazy governor, we’re going after Virginia. They want to take your Second Amendment. You know that, right? You’ll have nobody guarding your potatoes.”
Setting aside the threat to the governor, this warning was interpreted by the state’s largest legume preservation group, the Tea Party Potato Protectors, as an extremely serious call to arms.
Reaching out to sister potato state Idaho, the TPPP enlisted the help of Idaho’s two largest militia groups, the Spud Boys and the Freedom Fry Fighters, to send representatives to expand their groups into Virginia.
“The constant threat of illegal immigrant spud rustlers can only be addressed with good old American second amendment whupass!” said Clyde Pringle, president of the TPPP. “Thank Jesus we got a president who recognizes the real threats and isn’t fooled by no Chinese flu.”