The CDC has revised it’s guidelines to include stupidity as the number one risk factor in contracting the Covid-19 virus, listing it above age, obesity, diabetes, lung disease, and heart disease.
“This is by far the most dangerous risk factor,” Dr. Andrew Comatass, head statistition at the CDC confirmed. “It is the only risk factor that effects patients before they have contracted the virus. Stupidity may be accountable for nearly 70% of all infections.”
“We’re talking bout a level of stupidity that is way beyond just dumb or ignorant. These are the people who go surfing right before a hurricane or when the ocean recedes before a tsunami they run out to pick up fish and shells. We have coined the term ‘morbidly stupid’ to describe these people.”
Dr. Comatass believes it may be necessary to quarantine the morbidly stupid until herd immunity from the virus or herd education is achieved.
“Frankly, it wouldn’t be that hard to do. You could just build a big cage and tell them that their rights are being violated by liberals and they will flock to protest. Then you just shut the gate and lock it until this thing is over.”
How can you tell if you or your loved ones are at risk for being mobidly stupid? These are some of the warning signs:
MAGA or MAGA paraphernalia
Lack of reading and aural comprehension
Excessively referring to themselves as “patriots” (NOTE: Members of the New England NFL team are exempt)
Sudden or not so sudden loss of tastefulness
The irrational fear that the dangers of Walmart require military armament.