Willamette Kingsly is the quintessential member of what is called the Trump base. Raised in rural Kentucky in a strict fundamentalist family, she believes that Trump was sent by God to save America.
“Trump is the answer to our prayers. There has never been a smarter, more righteous man in that office. We are blessed to have him.”
So when the president suggested in a press conference that injecting cleaning fluids might be a good treatment for the Corona virus, Willamette was eager to try it.
“We ain’t really in danger of no Corona virus cuz we drink Bud Lite, but if Trump says it, I does it!”
Willimatte, being afraid of needles, decided to try the next best thing and “put it in my hoo haw”. Upon filling her cavity with a popular bathroom cleaner, she was astonished to find herself overcome by pleasure she had never felt before.
“It was all them scrubbing bubbles! Million of those little whiskered fellers tickling all my innards. I just fell on the floor a cummin’!”
Eventually Willamette’s husband, Bert, found her convulsing on the floor, threw her in the back of their pickup truck and took her to the hospital where she was treated and released.
“Me and Bert have a good sex life. He likes to do it piggy style while I watch Wheel of Fortune. But I have never in all my born days felt a wallop like that down there. I bet Trump hisself couldn’t grab it that good!”
Asked if she planned on repeating her experience she replied, “Naw. If Jesus wanted a woman to feel that good he woulda put them whiskers on a man’s pecker.”