Dear Enthusiastic Reader and Brothers (and sisters!) in Invisibleness,
One of our loyal readers, Annie as I recall, asked a very important question about worship in the Church of the Invisible Product in the Sky. She noted that many of the devout of other “religions” have special garb and she asked what kind of headdress our flock should wear. This is a very insightful question, as the practitioner of any religion wants to makes sure their god KNOWS we love Him/Her/It (let’s face it, god’s a He) and what better way to show your community and your god your faith than by wearing it on your sleeve! (See what I did there, I am the tops!)
There are two items of clothing that are articles of faith in the Church of the Invisible Product in the Sky. The first is that as a celebration of invisibleness, to wear your invisible cloths in public. Now some on-lookers, or maybe the police, may erroneously think you are completely naked, but just carefully explain that like a burka or priest’s robes, you are wearing the coverings of your faith. Please explain this quickly before you are pepper sprayed.
This style of clothing (invisible) is the ultimate public expression fo faith. Indeed, that King who wore invisible clothes, what was his name, Midas?, he is considered an early-adopter of our faith. The blind, who could not see, that he wore “no clothes” but those who bask in the light of the truly invisible could appreciate his invisible clothes. Would you like some official CIPS worship wear? For a donation of appropriate massiveness, I will send some invisible clothes in the mail. Don’t worry, all donations go to support the church.
Our second item of holy outerwear allows you to wear your faith, not only our sleeve, but on your scalp! Not a hijab, not a yarmulke, better. See, our headdress is an acknowledgement that the the Invisible Product is IN THE SKY, so we wear a pointer on our head, pointing up to the sky and our G-d’s massive massiveness. Yeah though He (/She/It but He) is both massive and invisible, because He (/She/It but He) is, you know, invisible we don’t want to offend Him (/Her/It but Him) by accidentally pointing in the wrong direction and missing Him (/Her/It but Him). So, to avoid this celestial faux pas and to acknowledge the invisibleness of the Invisible product in the Sky, WE WEAR TWO POINTERS ON OUR HEAD, each pointing in different directions, just to be darn-tootin sure! To illustrate, I have added some photos of the faithful below.
This double-pointed headdress depicted in these photos are easy to make or purchase online, so there is no need to get one from the Church. But as the only Tier 7 High priest in the Church of the Invisible Product int he Sky, I would like to offer two devotional suggestions, as such. One, I encourage all of our faithful to wear their religious headdress in all official or ceremonious photos. For example, the DMV in most states will allow religious patrons to wear their head-garb in their driver’s license photos. So, when you next get your license renewed, please wear the double-pointers. Show your faith to the petty bureaucracy. I mean, if you don’t wear your head-covering in ID photos, how will G-D be able to identify you if He (/She/It but He) ever pulls you over for speeding? I mean, come on!
Secondly, and finally, the most devout amongst us wear BOTH of these selections: invisible clothes AND the double-pointer. In fact, I was going to post a photo of myself wearing both, so you could all see how Bigly is my own personal devotion to the mighty Invisible Product actually–I am freakin’ engorged with holiness!!–but sadly the editors at The Trillion Dollar Dreadful said such a photo went against their publication’s code of conduct. But, I’ll tell you what, you send me a copy of yourself fully decked out in invisible clothes and the double-pointer hat, and, if I am impressed by your holiness, I will send you mine!
Yours in Invisibleness, the Right Honorable Father Pastor A. Pope the Third Esquire (Tier 7)