A hostile alien armada made planetfall last night, but promptly rose back into the heavens shortly after reading the newspaper.
“It’s just so disgusting here,” claimed Chief Warlord Serapeth. “How are you foolish enough to both pollute every waterway, and continue drinking from them?”
“We stopped discriminating against the dark blue skinned Bleponians eons ago. The way you treat each other is Un-Bleponian”
“This planet looks nothing like the brochures. We feel very misled. We were promised lush rainforests and rolling hills, but all we find is smog and factories.”
“Good luck with that incoming asteroid, jackasses.”