Following the trend pioneered by the band Lady Antebellum changing their name to “Lady A” and the Dixie Chicks changing their name to “The Chicks” in order to disassociate them from racist Civil War connotations, the area of America formerly known as the South has changed it’s name to “Lower North”.

Representatives from the previously southern states attending the Distraction Summit as part of the Bilderberg Group yearly conference voted nearly unanimously for the name change. The lone dissenter, of course, was Mississippi.

“Fuck Yankee feelings!” the Mississippi delegate explained. “I drink their tears with corn liquor”.

Asked whether the name change represented a true renunciation of their racist history and a move toward a more diverse, equal society the delegates of all the states were fairly consistent in their answers.

The delegate from Kentucky put it best. “If’n I name that there rose Clementine, what kinda fler is it?”