EmpExpo 2020 in Fresno, California was billed as the first large gathering of people who claim to be “empaths” and promised to combine the sensing powers of the convention attendees to elevate the amount of compassion and positivity in the world.

The term Empath is defined as a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual. Empaths are by nature more highly attuned to the energies and moods of surrounding people and can be significantly affected by them.

Things were looking quite successful with high turnout and enthusiasm until an unexpected anomaly turned the packed ballroom into a chaotic mess.

It seems attendee Heidi Winthrop, like all the attendees, had never been in the company of so many empaths at once. Realizing that for the first time she could no longer consider herself special and gifted in such company, she was overcome with self doubt. This feeling was subsequently picked up by the empath next to her and quickly spread throughout the group like a prairie fire.

Self doubt soon turned to insecurity, then to a need to re-establish “specialness”. Attendees began spouting new age credentials to each other and aggressively comparing crystal jewelry. The competitive jockeying for top “specialness” soon sparked bursts of anger that turned the crowd of peace loving feelers into a rioting mob.

“It was unbelievable!” a shocked EmpExpo server told TDD. “From the balcony you could almost see the physical waves of emotion spread across the crowd. Then suddenly everyone was fighting like Chicago ’68!”

The organizers tried to deflate the violence by dumping 2 tons of Himalayan pink salt around the exterior of the ballroom to no avail. A Mentat was called in to assess the situation and came up with the plan that saved the convention hall from complete destruction.

The Mentat made a call to a coven of Bene Gesserit that he knew were having a party blocks away. The Benet Gesserit walked among the fighting crowd using “the Voice” to convince each of them that they were actually Faeries, Vulcans, Navajo Wind Talkers, Elves, Good Witches, or any other fantasy / sci-fi magical powered entity they could think of at the time.

Once the attendees had established another imaginary identity to let them feel superior to others, the violence stopped and the convention was able to continue selling new age trinkets and spreading pseudo science.

Organizers of the convention called it an ultimate success and plans are underway for next year with the added precautions of emotional distancing techniques.