Today as she was celebrating Mother’s day with a bunch of very crappy and barely heartfelt presents Loretta Goodwill realized that having children was a huge mistake.
Her only son was not allowed to attend the Mother’s day function because of the quarantine so instead of spending some of the money he saved by not travelling across the nation, he decided to send her a homemade (Crappy sheet of spiral notepad paper) card with concert tickets that obviously were purchased before the pandemic for himself (Machine Gun Kelly) but instead of showing any actual love for her, he decided to shovel them off on her. Good luck with that MOM!
Not to be outdone her daughter took it even a step farther by saying her call would have to replace the card but that she should have already received her gift in the mail (Gift Card from the local “Joe’s Pizzeria” that in all likely-hood will never open again, with an expiration date in two weeks) and that she hopes she doesn’t get any fatter from it.
How she could have possibly raised these ungrateful, self-serving, ninnyhammers, escapes her as she prepares her own mother’s gift, a collection of the best coupons from two Sundays ago newspaper adds.
The term retroactive abortions had never before passed through her lips, but she has now decided to make a post-apocalyptic promise to get that phrase tattooed over the breast that she once used to feed her uncaring worthless spawn (Tastefully done of course to blend in with the tattoo of David Hasselbeck already gracing her left nipple).
Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mothers!