The days of being a hero in America, seem to be over. There was a time in our not so distant past that meant, putting others before yourself would have entitled American heroes of ungodly amounts of appreciative sex, known as hero pussy.

The long held practice of giving our legends sex for being altruistic started as far back as early civilization, with documented cases of “Hero Pussy” being bestowed on great leaders such as Alexander The Great, Ben Franklin, Florence Nightingale, to even Rudy Giuliani.

It was generally known that taking a job where you risked your life, meant that the opposite sex would literally bend over backwards to reward you.

Not so today. Sure the handsome Dr”s and attractive nurses are still pulling down all the blanket hornpipe they want, but what about the delivery men, from your daily paper, to Grub Hub, I mean doesn’t Uber-Eats deserve a turn on the whore pipe with his/her delivery of your hero sandwich? What about the people manning your local drive thru at McDonald’s or that bagger with Downs syndrome at your local grocery? Are they not going above and beyond? Don’t they deserve being pinned against the break-room wall for a rolfing of the piglet or a rub on the pum pum?

Sure we are in a pandemic but there is no reason why wearing a mask and gloves should stop you from going beyond the eyeballing of the crotches to reinforcing long held traditions of rewarding our heroes with a cleaning of their back kitchen.

We have many protective devices that can be used in sex. So next time you go out, make a stop at the Toys’N Us store and pick up that rubber fist or sex swing. Any device of your choice, and then prepare to make our heroes realize that they are once again appreciated.

If you have doubts just remember all of the brave first respondents that rushed into a burning tower with nothing more than their bravery and the promise of Hero pussy.