Concerned about the animus toward the Democratic party generated among Sanders supporters and conscious of the need to unify the party before the November elections, the DNC has created a position of Progressive Liaison for the Biden campaign.
Announcing the pick for the position at a closed press briefing, DNC Chair Tom Perez noted that filling the important position was a delicate decision. “We needed to find someone who fully reflected the amount of respect and our sense of value we have for progressives. We could not have picked someone who more represents our attitude than Ernest T Bass”.
Mr. Bass immediately showed his spirit by grabbing the microphone and shouting “Ladies and gents, I’m Ernest T Bass. Vote fer Joe or I’ll kick your ass!” at which point he giggled maniacly to himself and danced an awkward jig around the podium.
When asked how he planned to convince yet unpersuaded Sanders supporters to join the Biden campaign, he replied “If’n they gives us any trouble I’ll bean ’em with one o’ these!” With that Mr. Bass produce a large rock from a satchel hanging from his shoulder a threw it violently toward the back of the room, barely missing the head of Cenk Uygur.
“If’n you wanna get a possum out from under a rock, you get’cha a stick and you poke him real good. And if’n he still don’t come out, you poke him harder!”
He then led the astonished press corps in a rousing version of “Chickens Crowing on Sour Wood Mountain” as he tap/clogged in a style he says he picked up from Jesco White.
Tom Perez remained on the stage exhibiting his trademark clueless smile.